Thursday, May 24, 2007

Pretty Young Thing.

Feels good to be pretty. LOL Seriously. I am starting to realize it more and it feels good. I was never the pretty girl, in grade school, high school and not really in college either. Although college is when I started blossoming more with my personal style and look. I got more looks and kind smiles and hellos when I was in college than I have ever gotten. And's ridiculous! I get hit on daily. I ain't bragging...I am just saying.

It is never by the type of man that I want to hit on me, but nonetheless, I gets hit on. :) It does something to my self-esteem. Sets my chin a lil higher and allows me to feel like I am doing something right when it comes to my appearance. I have this love/hate relationship with the way I look.

The love stems from the pride I take in making things look as perfect as possible and when they don' totally fucks up my mood. Not a good thing. The other morning, I was getting dressed, completely hated what I was wearing and just could not for the life of me get my hair right. My first thing that I considered was to just not go to work. LOL Terrible, I know. I have a problem. I def don't think its conceit. I am pretty certain you have to have a certain level of undeniable confidence for that.

It teeters between lack of confidence and just feeling the need to be perfect in order to be desired. I don't really know, but I know that I care far too much about my image.

The hate comes from the lack of pride I guess you can say in the way I look when I look in the mirror. I have to have everything in place for me to be happy and for my look to be complete. I hate that it takes me so long to put everything together.

Either way...people may think that I am conceited, when the truth is, it's insecurities that spawns my vanity.

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