Saturday, October 10, 2009


I hardly ever title my pieces. I'm not even sure if this title will stand, but I needed something to title this blog with! I hope you like/understand/comment. :) It's catharsis for me & I should def write poems more often than I do. Enjoy.

We thrived in the freedom of our friendship
Flirty smiles morphed into full laughs
Heads tited back, mouths open--

There was delight in our infidelities
The whispered apologies on our lips
were hushed by our own mouths filled with sweet nothings

I held each & every nothing in a locket around my heart
It was sentimental to me because it was all you'd ever given me that wasn't soaked in pain
I clung to every promise that passed those parted pink lips
Devoured the morsels of lies like my just desserts
Because I just deserved to have someone who loves me

Like you do
Like I thought you did
Like you made me believe you did

Leading me right into the thick of love
with no compass or North Star
to guide me safely home
where I sit the dark
& between shuddering sobs, I reach--

Hands blindly patting the walls, searching
for that switch you used to turn your heart off

Instead, I find your discarded crown
The one I struggled to hold high atop your head
because you refused to wear it on your own
I needed you to be royalty, robed in purple...noble
because that's how I treated you

You were always more than a Queen to me
You were the entire castle...a Kingdom

What a royal flush you turned out to be

But I clung to the perpetual pain you presented me with
Rocking back & forth, like a pendulum
& I hung on, pretending it didn't hurt
Gripping tight, knuckles white
Face pale, sweat shining like diamonds...

Except, it's worth nothing.
The way I saw it, nothing could be worth more
Which is why I compromised everything within me, for you.

I was too busy giggling about your previous chick's insecurities & insanities--
Those secrets you shared about her that should have been silenced
But I listened, too preoccupied in you that I never realized
you weren't to be trusted

I just wrapped all of that in the butterflies you gave me & called it love
Thinking a pretty package could conceal what was real

Maybe I wouldn't have held on so tight, white knuckles & all if you didn't make me all those promises

Premises built on a shaky foundation--
We were destined for failure & I believe you knew that
& used that--
I was pawned in your strategic game of love.

Checkmate. I guess.

I sound bitter as all hell in this piece, but truth be told it's been a few months in the making & at this point--to that love--I'm over it. I'm over the agonizing pain of it. I realized the stupidity that I was succumbing to by being in that relationship. I'm not even mad at said person, I still love this person & always will. Love isn't immature--no matter how irrational it makes you feel at times. And in my own journey through emotional growth, I've learned that even the bad ones teach you something. Lesson learned.

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