Sunday, September 6, 2009

Prayer Changes Things.

So a weird thing just happened to me. I say weird because I really don't know how I feel about it. I was knee-deep in a prayer. I haven't had a core-shaking prayer in such a long time. In my prayer, I asked for the strength to pull through life and make it into what I know it can be.

God had blessed me in so many ways and there is no reason for me not to be able to achieve my wildest dreams. No reason, but myself. I believe there's a grey, misty massive grey cloud of fear over my head and the sad part is, I don't even know what I am afraid of.

I'm not one of those people afraid to succeed. In fact, that's what I welcome. But I block myself. I ground myself and surround myself with things that weigh me down. At times I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I've fallen in & out of depression & I intend to beat it. In fact..that's what my prayer summed up to.

I was praying aloud. I ended up standing, closing my eyes, tilting my head back & fists balled up. I was in a moment. It felt as if I was performing a poem. When that dawned on me, I broke my prayer and got my pen & pad. There was a split second where I felt guilty for stunting my prayer because it sounded like a good poem that I wanted to write down.

When it came down to it, I didn't even remember a significant enough amount to make sense of anything & I couldn't even get back in the groove to complete my prayer. Two fails for the price of one. Hmph! But I needed a jumpstart to the more poetic writer side of myself because she's been silenced for a while.

Prayer really does change things & sometimes those things aren't even what you're asking about at the time. God knows us so well, He's able to give us the things we need before we can even anticipate or even know that we even want those things.

Even Ghandi said, "If you don't ask, you don't get." What I am going to be asking for.?The strength to go through the bad with grace. And the power to live my purpose. I was put here for a reason & the cool thing about life is--we get to spend our lives finding out what that purpose is. That's beautiful. I don't want to crumble at the thought of being able to live an amazing life. I'm gonna live...fully.