Wednesday, December 24, 2008

RIP 2008...

I feel like I am laying someone to rest with the end of this year. As I sit here and type this out, I can feel my change wanting to come from somewhere deep inside past my soul and around the corner from my psyche. I feel it pulling to release itself into my life...again. I will regain everything I lost that I loved about myself and learning new things that I will love too. Because, I am loving me this year.

I am laying to rest the negativity that catalyzed 2008. Maybe all of this would be cooler if I had dreds and cut them for dramatic effect. I do have a weave, but I ain't getting rid of that yet. Don't judge me.

Here are the things of 2008 that I hope I am strong enough to lay to rest.
  1. Mary Jane
  2. Fornication
  3. Libations
  4. Procrastination
  5. Depression
It's a heavy list. I may fall, but I will get back up. I am going to put up a good fight to place my life on the path that God has for me. If you love me, you will encourage me. :) I know things will get better once I get better. Man, I am scared. But I am not alone and I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. I know that was seriously after school special, but it fit. I can. And I will. Here's to you 2008. May you peace.

Bring it on 2009!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Katrina, who would have known?

Agenda setting is something I learned in my college communication courses. It's basically what the media chooses to make news and reveal to the public, therefore setting our agenda when it comes to television viewing.

When Katrina happened only some of us were obsessed with it, figuring out ways to help out. Now that it's been three years since all hell broke loose in New Orleans, most of us have moved on to Presidential elects, Oprah's weight gain or this failing economy and I don't blame you; I am just as obsessed with those things.

But, it's because of this video that my focus has once again landed on Katrina victims. Not only did these people suffer through conditions so horrible, I'm sure they weren't too happy to still be alive, but they had to worry about being shot at by self proclaimed vigilantes.
Here, watch for yourself. Crazy world we live in folks.

How could you NOT love him?

Ok, yes. Yes. I will admit it. I am an Obama supporter. And on the list of reasons why is...his cuteness. Don't judge me. It's inevitable. The man has managed to live a charmed life where his charisma and apparent intelligence have landed him in a pivotal role in our lives.

And I embrace him. Obama, thank you for waking up millions and allowing them to dream again and more importantly. Thank you for being THIS adorable.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Are you happy now?

My dear sweet lady friend Mintz McGee wanted me to do this, so I am doing this for her and the good of all mankind. Yes, all of them.

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?

Good question. I was 14. I was in the 9th grade at Southern Nash Jr. High School in Spring Hope, NC. LOL So country, I know. Don't judge me! But at that grade, I was trying to impress my "friends"...two of which I am still happily involved with (shout outs to Valerie and Alicia who are now mothers and teachers, respectively). I was in marching band and proud of it. I was taking advanced Math, History and English courses and excelling. Lizzie (my former best friend) was still alive and crazy as ever. I tried black & milds and coughed liked crazy, but continued to puff on them because of peer pressure.

2. List 5 things on today's To Do List

  • Follow up interview with Ursula Stephen (Rihanna's hairstylist)
  • Come up with questions for Latoya Ruby Frazier interview, reschedule interview?
  • Go to post office to get money order for mother/uncle
  • Last juicy party of the year with my bff before his lucky arse goes off to a Mexican Christmas Cruise
  • Love Myself.
3. Snacks I enjoy

Cheese, Pepperoni, Cashews, Turtle Chex and Cheese

4. Things I'd do if I were a billionaire

  • Pay off all debts
  • Help my sister out of her madness
  • Get my momma out the hood and into her dream home
  • Help my immediate family with some much needed extra cash
  • Get stock in Cheese
  • Create my own breast cancer foundation
  • Ask Donald/Oprah/Russell Simmons what to do now?
  • Oh and shopping, durrrr!
5. Places I have lived

  • born in Winston Salem, NC
  • lived in Rocky Mount, NC most of my life
  • when we moved to Elm City, NC...I thought I would die! LOL But it turned out to be a move that shaped who I am today. Learned/grew a lot in that house
  • Greenville, NC for college. Oh man, did this move shape me! LOL College years, what can I say?!
  • Jersey City, first move out of college, closer to my dream. But I hated Jersey ICK.
  • Finally, Harlem! NEW YORK CITY. A place I dreamed of living in for a LONG time and I am here. I guess I need to be a bit more thankful lol
6. People I wish I knew more about

  • Chad, my new bff and someone that I can count on no matter what. I love this boy more and more everyday, but sometimes I feel like I don't know much about him beyond what I already know. Am I one of those friends that always talks about themselves? Yes, but that shouldn't stop him from talking about himself as well.
  • My sister, for the same reason as above. I feel we share a superficial relationship and very rarely do we get into the desires of her heart, mind and spirit. I want to be there for her more and for her to open up to me.
  • Oprah
  • Beyonce. I swear little miss perfection has a secret life and I want to know about it!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Can't block what you loboe!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My sister, the mother.

My oldest sister has never been the best of mothers. To be completely honest, sometimes I think she may be one of the worst. One thing is for sure though, she does love my nieces, but how much...couldn't tell you.

I say this because, I am afraid her ways are rubbing off on my older sister. She has two children of her own, 2 and 3 and they are incredible kids. However, here lately, she has mentioned sending them home to my mother so she can get herself together. This may sound like a perfectly normal plan of action, but that's because you don't know the players in the game of my family.

My mother, has fibromyaglia syndrome, which basically is her muscles attacking her body, causing pain in any group of muscles it feels like attacking that day. So, having my mother be the caretaker of 2 toddlers...not happening. My mother is the epitome of what you think a loving mother is and should be, so to her, the idea sounded wonderful and I believe at some point, she said yes.

I had to call my mother and let her know that it was just NOT a good idea for her health. And my sister KNOWS this! But when you have something in your mind you want to do, you'll do anything in your power to do it. The thing about that statement is my sister has never lived it. She has never done anything in her power to accomplish anything. And now, all of a sudden, she wants to dump her kids off to her sick mother so that she can "get herself together."

I understand the whole getting yourself together part, because, her baby's father and her aren't working out. They are both making steps to move on. Although his steps involve him only caring for himself. Her steps involve her being left with the children (although that's nothing new) and having to fend for herself. My sister has always been codependent and has hardly ever done anything for herself.

So, what is it that she has to do that she would be willing to hand over her children to a sick mother? I can only think of her wanting to hold on to her recent party girl lifestyle. And there may be another dude. I heard her say "bye babe" to someone on the phone. With the problems she has with her babies' father, I am sure that it wasn't him.

My sister has never been this selfish and I am confused. I have always held sat her atop a pedestal and I don't know why. I look up to her, even though there is hardly a reason to do that. I know that sounds harsh, but she hasn't made much of a life for herself. The only thing I would want that she has, is motherhood (when I'm ready).

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Writing for my life....

More of my work. Please, check me out, comment, support, love.

Slim was a pretty interesting man. I honestly thought he would be a bit of a snooze. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE 112, but hearing about what one of them has to say, ehh. LOL But, all in all, great interview. He definitely motivated me to get my grind on.

Havoc. Half of Mobb Deep. I miss them! So mad the wouldn't give me more info of Prodigy though!

There will be more coming on a regular basis now. I hopped over my hump of laziness and decided to be a functioning citizen. No applause necessary!

Will I ever get it right?

I cried last night. And these are the same tears that I have been crying since I was 13 years old and I had my first crush. Boys. What the hell is my issue? I was never one of those people that thought I had daddy issues, until a few years ago. How is this affecting me? No trust, jadedness, cynicism. I ooze these things when it comes to men.

When I was recently stood up on an internet blind date, I felt like I had reached some sort of low. I feel as though I always try and try again even when everything goes sour. I get up, dust myself off, bandage the wounds and move on. I think I should stop now. Seriously, stop, refocus, reevaluate and redefine what it is that makes

In a city where love is all around from couples holding hands, to that look I see him giving her, to his hand on the smole of her back. It's there. It's just not here. Why does love seem to hate me? Why do I feel like I don't deserve it?

It's a thin line between love and hate, so what is there to say about the space between like and hate? Even smaller. I have seen men go from liking me "so much" to calling me a bitch almost in the same breath when things don't go in their favor. And we're (women) the effed up ones in the situation? I think not. Half the time, it's the men driving us to be so dang neurotic.