Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Will I ever get it right?

I cried last night. And these are the same tears that I have been crying since I was 13 years old and I had my first crush. Boys. What the hell is my issue? I was never one of those people that thought I had daddy issues, until a few years ago. How is this affecting me? No trust, jadedness, cynicism. I ooze these things when it comes to men.

When I was recently stood up on an internet blind date, I felt like I had reached some sort of low. I feel as though I always try and try again even when everything goes sour. I get up, dust myself off, bandage the wounds and move on. I think I should stop now. Seriously, stop, refocus, reevaluate and redefine what it is that makes

In a city where love is all around from couples holding hands, to that look I see him giving her, to his hand on the smole of her back. It's there. It's just not here. Why does love seem to hate me? Why do I feel like I don't deserve it?

It's a thin line between love and hate, so what is there to say about the space between like and hate? Even smaller. I have seen men go from liking me "so much" to calling me a bitch almost in the same breath when things don't go in their favor. And we're (women) the effed up ones in the situation? I think not. Half the time, it's the men driving us to be so dang neurotic.

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