Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Idle Hands Are the Devil's Playground

This summer I have definitely been on the grind with my writing.




Here's the latest published article on the incredible F-A-B-O!



However, I haven't given myself the time to fully devote to the creativity of my own mind and the strength of my own talents. I don't know what it is about me getting stuck in a comfort zone, but it's just so easy to get comfortable and let the ambition fade.

Lately, I have been feeling a lot of anxiety. I don't even know what it is that I am anxious about. It's like I am expecting something to happen, or maybe even secretly hoping something will to jolt me out of my daze. Mornings, I will wake up at 5, 6 or 7am and I can't even force myself to fall back asleep. This wouldn't even make a mark on my radar if it wasn't for the fact that I live for sleeping. I should be able to roll over and peacefully re-enter dreamland, but I can't. However, admittedly, I'm too lazy to get up and do something. So, I toss and turn until about 9 or so.

I get out of bed, frustrated that I don't have any structure in my life and I proceed to let my life pass me by, day in and day out. I know I don't want to go back to the office work, 9-5 prison. So what is it that I want to do with my idle time? It seems I'm more comfortable being idle.

I feel like I am on the road to becoming detached again. A few years ago, I didn't care about much. Nothing got a rise out of me. I was just going through life in black & white...scratch that. I was going thrugh life in a constant shade of grey. I didn't even care that I didn't care about anything. I sincerely hope that I am not on my way back there. I've seen life in technicolor and I don't feel ready to go back to grey.

This blog was supposed to be about my latest journalistic endeavor, but I guess this was something that weighed heavy on my mind. *shrugs*

1 comment:

sophisticate moi said...

i've been there, and it sucks! that's why i have started doing spoken word, to force myself out of stagnant complacency, to push myself out of the box. don't let your talent go to waste cause the world needs it (chessy i know, but it's true).