Idle Hands Are the Devil's Playground

This summer I have definitely been on the grind with my writing.

Here's the latest published article on the incredible F-A-B-O!

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However, I haven't given myself the time to fully devote to the creativity of my own mind and the strength of my own talents. I don't know what it is about me getting stuck in a comfort zone, but it's just so easy to get comfortable and let the ambition fade.

Lately, I have been feeling a lot of anxiety. I don't even know what it is that I am anxious about. It's like I am expecting something to happen, or maybe even secretly hoping something will to jolt me out of my daze. Mornings, I will wake up at 5, 6 or 7am and I can't even force myself to fall back asleep. This wouldn't even make a mark on my radar if it wasn't for the fact that I live for sleeping. I should be able to roll over and peacefully re-enter dreamland, but I can't. However, admittedly, I'm too lazy to get up and do something. So, I toss and turn until about 9 or so.

I get out of bed, frustrated that I don't have any structure in my life and I proceed to let my life pass me by, day in and day out. I know I don't want to go back to the office work, 9-5 prison. So what is it that I want to do with my idle time? It seems I'm more comfortable being idle.

I feel like I am on the road to becoming detached again. A few years ago, I didn't care about much. Nothing got a rise out of me. I was just going through life in black & white...scratch that. I was going thrugh life in a constant shade of grey. I didn't even care that I didn't care about anything. I sincerely hope that I am not on my way back there. I've seen life in technicolor and I don't feel ready to go back to grey.

This blog was supposed to be about my latest journalistic endeavor, but I guess this was something that weighed heavy on my mind. *shrugs*

Newness

Yours truly got herself a digi camera. I am no professional, so I'm not caught up in name brands, mega pixels, zooms, resolutions, etc. I just like taking pictures, that's all. Expect more pictures with my blogs, but don't expect photography quality shots. PS Jake took all these!

Jake, Chad & myself decided to take the new cam for a spin at our last Sunday dinner. Here are a few of my sort-of-fave shots.

Yeah, so some of them, you're gonna have to tilt your head. I guess I should learn more about computers & such. LOL But this one is the bestie getting his laugh/drink on because we like to make each other laugh in the midst of drinking. Always makes for extra fun.

We've got a thang for karaoke, so sometimes we go out for it, other times, we stay in for it. This is a little diddy we like to call Charieoke--I think the name is pretty self explanatory.

So, the pics will only improve in time. You know, once I learn more about the camera and what all the silly buttons mean. Oh and when I actually load up the camera's software.

Fin, for now.

All We Need is Love...in Movie Form

Lately, Ive been lucky enough to catch some great flicks. Usually, movies pretty much suck for me and I end up irritated afterwards that I wasted time and money. With 500 Days of Summer and Paper Heart--it was quite the opposite. Both movies were significantly different, but shared the basic theme of love.

500 Days of Summer followed a boy meets girl story throughout the 500 day span of their interactions. When Tom (male lead) met Summer (female lead) at his greeting card job, he was automatically smitten because she was beautiful. Outer appearance is usually the first part of attraction and connection.

Once Tom actually got a chance to speak with Summer and he learned that they shared some musical interest, Tom claimed she was the one. How many times have you met someone, had an inital interest, then they do or say something and you are convinced that this is the love of your life? I know it happens more times than not, but what this movie was set out to do was prove that just because you feel as if someone is the one--they may very well not be your one. This person may make up a significant part of your life, but that doesn't mean that this is your soul mate. I loved the reality of the movie, allowing us to follow Tom's journey of making Summer his, when she didn't want to be. It wasn't that Summer didn't give Tom the time of day she just preferred to be single and go with the flow.

You know the type, typically men are more the "no label"types, bouncing from chick to chick, not committing to any of them. In this movie, it was Summer. She never lead Tom on, but Tom had already placed her on a pedestal, which clouded his judgment in the things she did and said. Everything she did, he took as an act of love and was sadly mistaken when Summer threw him for a loop at the end of the movie. That's why this film resonated with me. It didn't do the cliche happily ever after ending, it was real and let you know what happens in relationships. Sometimes, they fail and it hurts, but it's about moving on and still believing in love enough to get up, dust off and try again.

Paper Heart, on the other hand was reality to the -enth degree. It was actually a documentary. We follow Charlene Yi as she travels the country, getting an idea of what love is from random people she conducts interviews with. Of course everyone has their own definition of love and if you ask me, there isn't one--especially since love is based on a case by case scale (in my mind). In the process of doing all her field research, Charlene meets Michael Sera (yes of Superbad/Juno fame) and it would seem that the two are totally meant to be and falling for one another, but Charlene's documentary ends up getting in the way.

She committed herself to the project and with Michael entering the picture, she couldn't very well pull out of the movie just because she wanted to hang out with him without the cameras. Their interaction was quirky, honest, sweet and unconventional. One thing I always have to deal with in dating is the person I'm dating focusing so much on the physical, that they don't take the time to get to know who I am. I loved the fact that Michael thought Charlene was interesting and wanted to get to know more about her. That sounds simple enough, but honestly people nowadays are after instant gratification, seeking physical connection before something deeper, something more substantial. Charlene is very low key, Jeanine Garafulo-esque and just is who she is, not pretending to be anything or anyone else. She's not flashy, provocative or over-the-top and Michael still saw something in her that he wanted to know more about.

She admitted that she wasn't in love with Michael and was mostly sad that he wanted her to love him. She made a potent statement that I loosely translate like this: Just because I don't love him, doesn't mean that I am ready to be without him. I agree with her on that. She mad a connection with him that neither of them can deny. Michael realized he didn't want to be in the relationship with her, but Charlene knew that there was something there that she owed it to herself to explore. So, explore it she did. Michael accepted her back and the ending was left pretty open.

Love is a very complicated thing, that may never be fully defined accurately. But one thing you can say about love is, there is no way to simplify it. We must go through the heartbreaks, struggles, confusion, frustrations, desperations, and whatever else, because we were designed by God to love. The only perfect love there is, is the love between us and God. Every other love pales in comparison and therefore is always a discrepancy between the two people in love. How much of yourself should you sacrifice for love? How much heartache should you have to tolerate from someone before you realize that this person isn't the end all be all?

I have so many questions and opinions about love. When it all comes out. I still end up asking questions. Either way, the point is...love. Live through it and learn through it, but most of all, never forget that love isn't perfect. It's laced with ups, downs and the like. It's all in how we handle those obstacles.