Friday, June 29, 2007

Sex, Lies, and Videotape.

I have been talking to Colombian still and just craving him as much as ever. But my feeling for Colombian have morphed into JUST sex. Granted, that's what it was from Day 1. But I know I am starting to distance myself from him. I know he is starting to have a twinge of feeling for me, however...

When I get there, I immediately run to the bathroom and went I come out, he is rolling up. YES! So we go and smoke, talk, and chill. In the midst of talking, I was telling him about an ex boo and he was like, they all want you, don't they? I said...pretty much LOL.

So we decide to go look at some pictures of him from back in the day when he had hair LOL. I have been on and off my phone all night at this point and he said, are you gonna be on that all night? I said, possibly. You could tell he was kinda jealous about me constantly on my phone. Or maybe it was just that is was rude on my part.

So we're looking at albums and at one point, he stopped talking and he was just staring at the pics and I looked to see what he was staring at and it was a photo of his baby mother and his kid. I realized something at that moment. He is just fucking me. Repeatedly. I will never been in a photo album in his mother's house. I will be a memory, but I will never be a milestone in his life.

I was there for sex, so of course I was still gonna make it do what it do, but that realization played with my state of mind. We showered, seperately and proceeded to get freaky. It was getting good as usual, but then I don't know if my conscious was speaking to me because of DC boo or God or what, but all of a sudden, I wanted it to be over. I stopped responding to him like I usually do and I wouldn't tell him all the things he begs to hear during sex. I was just there. I never do that. I wanted it to be over! Finally it was and I just lay there and I fell asleep. I guess a few minutes passed and he woke me.

I then proceeded to clean up and leave. We shared a few intimate moments of kissing, touching, gazing, but even that was forced on my part. I left feeling as though that was the last time we would do what we do. I knew he wasn't satisfied with how it went, he just didn't express it. Oh well. I need to be more faithful. If this is going to work for DC boo and I, I need to make it work. I need to be more trustworthy, in turn I could possibly trust more....we shall see.

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