I am no stranger to sex. That doesn't make me a whore. Not in the least. I can just admit that when I am having sex (typically I am in abstinent mode), I am insatiable. My sex drive can go from zero to 100 in less than 2.5 seconds. However, I am more used to being used than being loved. I am used to men walking down my streets paved in gold, plucking my not-so forbidden fruit, taking a few bites and discarding me for the flies to have a feast.
For a long time since I opened myself up to the wide world of sex, my daddy issues had me searching around in dark rooms for someone to love me, comfort me, tell me that I am beautiful and worth more than I allow myself to be. It took me a while to realize that I was doing more damage to my heart than my own father or any of the people I allowed between my legs. So, I closed up shop...literally.
The shop has recently opened back up because of love. Love and sex typically go hand in hand with me. However, this is coming from a woman who's hardly been in love before. But no worries, my typically skewed views have been straightened out and I know there is a huge difference between the two. Without love, sex is just a sweaty, sticky romp in the sheets. With love, sex is the icing on the cake, the whip cream on the Caramel JavaChip Frapp, the extra handful of cheese on the Chipotle Burrito Bowl if you will.
My old views of sex have been coming into play now that I actually have the love before sex. My insatiability (is that a word?) is screwing with my head. I am treating myself like a booty call, when I am indeed my lover's sweet thing. How do I get myself out of my own bad habit? This relationship I am in is two years in the making and definitely more than just that sticky, sweaty romp in the sheets. It's true. It's harmonic. It's love and it's time for me to treat it as such.