25 & counting...

So, I was thinking. I interview a lot of people, all the time. Most of the time, I am landing these interviews on my own through connections I've made in networking. Why am I constantly busting my butt to get these interviews to magazines and online blogs that underpay me or don't pay me at all? What should I do about this?

Well, I've decided to start posting up some of my interviews on my very own blog! Innovative, right? Ha! I mean, it's time for Danielle to start doing for herself. That way, I can market myself as a brand, grow, learn, fall flat on my face, get up and keep working hard. I know I was born for a special purpose and just because I am 25 & haven't figured out that purpose yet, doesn't mean that I should kick myself daily or feel useless.

So cheers to finding myself more & more at the tender age of 25. I ain't gonna lie, I'm freakin' out. I'm five years away from being 30. Not that my life is in disarray, but I pray that it's much better and stable by 30. So again, cheers to life! And hows about an extra shot for a flourishing writing career!

Prayer Changes Things.

So a weird thing just happened to me. I say weird because I really don't know how I feel about it. I was knee-deep in a prayer. I haven't had a core-shaking prayer in such a long time. In my prayer, I asked for the strength to pull through life and make it into what I know it can be.



God had blessed me in so many ways and there is no reason for me not to be able to achieve my wildest dreams. No reason, but myself. I believe there's a grey, misty massive grey cloud of fear over my head and the sad part is, I don't even know what I am afraid of.


I'm not one of those people afraid to succeed. In fact, that's what I welcome. But I block myself. I ground myself and surround myself with things that weigh me down. At times I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I've fallen in & out of depression & I intend to beat it. In fact..that's what my prayer summed up to.

I was praying aloud. I ended up standing, closing my eyes, tilting my head back & fists balled up. I was in a moment. It felt as if I was performing a poem. When that dawned on me, I broke my prayer and got my pen & pad. There was a split second where I felt guilty for stunting my prayer because it sounded like a good poem that I wanted to write down.

When it came down to it, I didn't even remember a significant enough amount to make sense of anything & I couldn't even get back in the groove to complete my prayer. Two fails for the price of one. Hmph! But I needed a jumpstart to the more poetic writer side of myself because she's been silenced for a while.

Prayer really does change things & sometimes those things aren't even what you're asking about at the time. God knows us so well, He's able to give us the things we need before we can even anticipate or even know that we even want those things.



Even Ghandi said, "If you don't ask, you don't get." What I am going to be asking for.?The strength to go through the bad with grace. And the power to live my purpose. I was put here for a reason & the cool thing about life is--we get to spend our lives finding out what that purpose is. That's beautiful. I don't want to crumble at the thought of being able to live an amazing life. I'm gonna live...fully.

Amen.

Yeah...and another one.

I complain a lot about my life. From the outside, looking in, I bet it looks charming. I am unattached, young, no kids & basically no responsibilities. What the heck do I ever have to be down about? I wish I knew, so that I could stop it from happening. But since it's going to, I have to figure out how to handle it better--how to cope with it.

I am taking this time right now to say, I am strong. I am stronger than this depression that has been trying to take me hostage for the last couple of years. God has surrounded me lately with some amazing people and those people have helped to rejuvenate my ambition & desire.

I have quite a few ideas for some new ventures as well as some peopel that want to work with me--how effin' cool is that?! Being sought out because of my work makes me feel like I am on the right path. Life is a beautiful thing & it's time to start living like I realize the kind of gift I've been giving.

That's not to say that I won't complain anymore. Lol. come on! I'm human! But I will handle it best I can if/when the sadness returns. I'm about to be 25. No more whining like a baby. It's time to handle eveything like a woman.

Idle Hands Are the Devil's Playground

This summer I have definitely been on the grind with my writing.

Here's the latest published article on the incredible F-A-B-O!

CLICK ME

However, I haven't given myself the time to fully devote to the creativity of my own mind and the strength of my own talents. I don't know what it is about me getting stuck in a comfort zone, but it's just so easy to get comfortable and let the ambition fade.

Lately, I have been feeling a lot of anxiety. I don't even know what it is that I am anxious about. It's like I am expecting something to happen, or maybe even secretly hoping something will to jolt me out of my daze. Mornings, I will wake up at 5, 6 or 7am and I can't even force myself to fall back asleep. This wouldn't even make a mark on my radar if it wasn't for the fact that I live for sleeping. I should be able to roll over and peacefully re-enter dreamland, but I can't. However, admittedly, I'm too lazy to get up and do something. So, I toss and turn until about 9 or so.

I get out of bed, frustrated that I don't have any structure in my life and I proceed to let my life pass me by, day in and day out. I know I don't want to go back to the office work, 9-5 prison. So what is it that I want to do with my idle time? It seems I'm more comfortable being idle.

I feel like I am on the road to becoming detached again. A few years ago, I didn't care about much. Nothing got a rise out of me. I was just going through life in black & white...scratch that. I was going thrugh life in a constant shade of grey. I didn't even care that I didn't care about anything. I sincerely hope that I am not on my way back there. I've seen life in technicolor and I don't feel ready to go back to grey.

This blog was supposed to be about my latest journalistic endeavor, but I guess this was something that weighed heavy on my mind. *shrugs*

Newness

Yours truly got herself a digi camera. I am no professional, so I'm not caught up in name brands, mega pixels, zooms, resolutions, etc. I just like taking pictures, that's all. Expect more pictures with my blogs, but don't expect photography quality shots. PS Jake took all these!

Jake, Chad & myself decided to take the new cam for a spin at our last Sunday dinner. Here are a few of my sort-of-fave shots.

Yeah, so some of them, you're gonna have to tilt your head. I guess I should learn more about computers & such. LOL But this one is the bestie getting his laugh/drink on because we like to make each other laugh in the midst of drinking. Always makes for extra fun.

We've got a thang for karaoke, so sometimes we go out for it, other times, we stay in for it. This is a little diddy we like to call Charieoke--I think the name is pretty self explanatory.

So, the pics will only improve in time. You know, once I learn more about the camera and what all the silly buttons mean. Oh and when I actually load up the camera's software.

Fin, for now.

All We Need is Love...in Movie Form

Lately, Ive been lucky enough to catch some great flicks. Usually, movies pretty much suck for me and I end up irritated afterwards that I wasted time and money. With 500 Days of Summer and Paper Heart--it was quite the opposite. Both movies were significantly different, but shared the basic theme of love.

500 Days of Summer followed a boy meets girl story throughout the 500 day span of their interactions. When Tom (male lead) met Summer (female lead) at his greeting card job, he was automatically smitten because she was beautiful. Outer appearance is usually the first part of attraction and connection.

Once Tom actually got a chance to speak with Summer and he learned that they shared some musical interest, Tom claimed she was the one. How many times have you met someone, had an inital interest, then they do or say something and you are convinced that this is the love of your life? I know it happens more times than not, but what this movie was set out to do was prove that just because you feel as if someone is the one--they may very well not be your one. This person may make up a significant part of your life, but that doesn't mean that this is your soul mate. I loved the reality of the movie, allowing us to follow Tom's journey of making Summer his, when she didn't want to be. It wasn't that Summer didn't give Tom the time of day she just preferred to be single and go with the flow.

You know the type, typically men are more the "no label"types, bouncing from chick to chick, not committing to any of them. In this movie, it was Summer. She never lead Tom on, but Tom had already placed her on a pedestal, which clouded his judgment in the things she did and said. Everything she did, he took as an act of love and was sadly mistaken when Summer threw him for a loop at the end of the movie. That's why this film resonated with me. It didn't do the cliche happily ever after ending, it was real and let you know what happens in relationships. Sometimes, they fail and it hurts, but it's about moving on and still believing in love enough to get up, dust off and try again.

Paper Heart, on the other hand was reality to the -enth degree. It was actually a documentary. We follow Charlene Yi as she travels the country, getting an idea of what love is from random people she conducts interviews with. Of course everyone has their own definition of love and if you ask me, there isn't one--especially since love is based on a case by case scale (in my mind). In the process of doing all her field research, Charlene meets Michael Sera (yes of Superbad/Juno fame) and it would seem that the two are totally meant to be and falling for one another, but Charlene's documentary ends up getting in the way.

She committed herself to the project and with Michael entering the picture, she couldn't very well pull out of the movie just because she wanted to hang out with him without the cameras. Their interaction was quirky, honest, sweet and unconventional. One thing I always have to deal with in dating is the person I'm dating focusing so much on the physical, that they don't take the time to get to know who I am. I loved the fact that Michael thought Charlene was interesting and wanted to get to know more about her. That sounds simple enough, but honestly people nowadays are after instant gratification, seeking physical connection before something deeper, something more substantial. Charlene is very low key, Jeanine Garafulo-esque and just is who she is, not pretending to be anything or anyone else. She's not flashy, provocative or over-the-top and Michael still saw something in her that he wanted to know more about.

She admitted that she wasn't in love with Michael and was mostly sad that he wanted her to love him. She made a potent statement that I loosely translate like this: Just because I don't love him, doesn't mean that I am ready to be without him. I agree with her on that. She mad a connection with him that neither of them can deny. Michael realized he didn't want to be in the relationship with her, but Charlene knew that there was something there that she owed it to herself to explore. So, explore it she did. Michael accepted her back and the ending was left pretty open.

Love is a very complicated thing, that may never be fully defined accurately. But one thing you can say about love is, there is no way to simplify it. We must go through the heartbreaks, struggles, confusion, frustrations, desperations, and whatever else, because we were designed by God to love. The only perfect love there is, is the love between us and God. Every other love pales in comparison and therefore is always a discrepancy between the two people in love. How much of yourself should you sacrifice for love? How much heartache should you have to tolerate from someone before you realize that this person isn't the end all be all?

I have so many questions and opinions about love. When it all comes out. I still end up asking questions. Either way, the point is...love. Live through it and learn through it, but most of all, never forget that love isn't perfect. It's laced with ups, downs and the like. It's all in how we handle those obstacles.

Day One-It All Starts With God

"Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life" The Message- Romans 8:6

I thought about how I have been living my life currently, in a bubble where only things directly related to me mattered. I closed out so much of the things in my life because I didn't feel lie dealing with them. In order to take charge of my life, I need to not focus so much on self. Being selfish does nothing for self help.


The crazy thing is, the first chapter explains how this isn't even a self help book. It is not about finding the right career, achieving your dreams or planning your life…the book preaches. I can completely understand that. What I am looking for is to take charge of my life and live the purpose that I was put here for. You can choose so many parts and aspects to your life, but you cannot choose your purpose. God's designed purpose in all our lives and it's up to us to develop and nurture a relationship with Him in order to gain that purpose.


Day one, I am told to think about my purpose and know that it's not about me; it's much bigger than myself. There is something that I find comforting about the book--it gives me a question to consider after every chapter. Today's question was: In spite of [everything] around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?


It's one thing to say that I believe in God. But it's quite another to say that I actually worship. Growing up, I was always taught Christianity and it's what I base my beliefs on. However, once I was on my own, I would go to church here and there, I might even spout of a popular verse or two--but I was never a true worshipper through and through. I never really created that relationship with God that I needed to. I guess this is really my chance to. I have to remind myself that I am living for God. For real this time.


How can I do this everyday? Praying. I can thank the Lord for waking me up, I can say small prayers and thank you's throughout the day to show my gratitude for life. It's funny because one year ago, I got a tattoo on my right wrist that says Faith. It was a physical reminder that everyday, I need to not only have faith in God, but remember my faith--my God. Even though I see that tattoo everyday, sometimes I forget. I need not forget, anymore.