Difference Between Alone and Lonely?

What a long week! I am so glad it's Friday! Although I am beginning to become an old fart, so that doesn't even matter. My Fridays usually consist of me going home, making myself a nice dinner, eating it in front of my TV, then relaxing for the rest of the evening and falling asleep early. And loving it. LOL I can't believe that I am 24 years old, living in one of the greatest cities in the world and this is what I do on Friday nights.

Well, that's why I have been actively pursuing new friends because it's nice to have someone or ones to do things with. As of right now, I have a small core group of friends and y'all already know that story. These fools hardly want to do anything! Friends that are wifed or hubbed up are worse! They want to spend their every waking moment with their significant others and it's like ok o_O. But I digress. My independence is the hotness, but I get lonely. You already know that story too.

I guess I'm saying this to say, I need excitement in my life. While I am young, unattached and independent...I need to stimulate my life. I need one of those shock, CLEAR! things...

My pulse for adventure is weak and I need to do something to strengthen it. Money is always a factor pulling me back from being able to enjoy exciting things, but it's not as much as an issue as it used to be. The only other thing that I feel is holding me back is me standing alone. Sometimes you want to experience new things with someone else. It kinda takes the excitement out of it to be alone, let's say in Paris, Morocco or backpacking across Europe. And then of course things like flying in a hot air ballon or helicopter, bungee jumping or flying trapeze are the kind of things that doing alone, can be very scary.


I have always been one of the friendliest people that I know, in all honesty and I never would have thought at the prime of my life, it would be like this. I never thought that I would be in dire need of friendship. It was just something that always came naturally. I got along with everyone, so I was never in a certain group. I floated around to them all. So maybe that's what I'm missing. Experience in a foundation of friends.

I moved around a lot as a kid, so sometimes getting pulled from schools would uproot my friendships. I always managed to handle it well and adjust at my new school and even make new lasting friendships. Most of those dissolved in time as we all moved along to college.

Then, I made college friends, which some I have been able to keep. But I uprooted my entire life this time by my choice and moved to NYC. Here, I have been able to make more acquaintances, but nothing like a long, meaningful, intense friendship...especially with women. Which leads me to my always alone dilemma. What's an independent woman to do? How will I develop these intense friendships that I crave so that I won't have to be so dang alone and lonely all the time?

New Moon.

That is book two of the Twilight series, which I finished last week, or the week before. I don't know anymore, the days all mesh together. But either way, it wasn't as engaging as the first book, but the language that I loved in book one, continued.

In New Moon, we delve deeper into Bella's sadness and by the end of the book when her lost love returns to her, you really get to feel the depth of her love for him. While he was away, she struggled to hold herself together, physically. There would be several times in the text where the author has us visualize a pathetic soul, devoid of emotion with her arms wrapped tightly around herself, as if trying to hold herself together with her own arms.

This is the passage that I chose to highlight from the book:

His mouth was on mine then, and I couldn't fight him. Not because he was so many thousand times stronger than me, but because my will crumbled into dust the second our lips met. This kiss was not quite as careful as others I remembered, which suited me just fine If I was going to rip myself further, I might as well get as much in trade as possible.

And another one because that was short:

Before you Bella, my life was like a moonless night, very dark, but there were stars--points of light and reason. ...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.

Ok, I think I should stop before I run the chance of making this sound like one of those cheesy romance novels. See, the thing is, the Twilight series is all about romance, but it's not cheesy until you pick out and emphasize the mush factor.

New York Fashion Week Virgin.

Last week, I attended my very first fashion show under the Bryant Park Tents. I am not a slave to fashion. Although I love to look flirty, unique and all around sexy--I don't know labels, trends, etc. However, by attending this show, I must say, I can see what the hype is about.

Clothes are exciting. I mean, it's basically one way in which we express ourselves. It's how people see who we are. Clothes are really exciting while a rail thin model prances down the runway to hip music while cameras flash all around. Even though that dripped with sarcasm, I actually meant it seriously. :)

So, at the Academy of Art show, I sat beside B. Michael and across from Nia Long. I couldn't believe it! Yes, your girl was in the front row. I was able to snap a few shots with my phone.
.

Swept Up in Dorky Trends

Ok. So, I am officially a fashion follower. Well, when it comes to ONE item in particular. The dork glasses. How did I let this happen? I'm an innovator! Originator! Masturbator! I mean...uhmm

Back to the glasses. Yeah, so my bff bought me a pair for Valentine's Day and I instantly fell in love. Funny thing is, I used to have a pair just like this when I was in 6th-10th grade. People picked on me about them because they're HUGE. But huge was dorky and uncool back then. Now, it's trendy and everyone is doing it. Fashion is funny that way. So fickle.

Either way, enjoy me and my overly large specs. I do.

The First Night of the Rest of My Life.

Last night was one of the most incredible nights of my life. A few weeks ago, I interviewed Terrie Williams and she and I hit it off really well. We exchanged information and kept in touch. She's written for Essence back when Essence was a baby. There was a job at Essence that I wanted and she sent over all my information to personal friends of hers at Essence, including the President!

She also added me to her foundation's PR Committee. I will get to do some administrative tasks for her, as well as be hands on and mentor kids. This is an amazing opportunity for me because not only will I get to meet so many people and learn so many things, but I get to change lives. That's so powerful!

So, back to yesterday being one of the most incredible nights of my life...

Terrie invited me out to a book signing event with her. I was super excited because it was for this author Asha Bandele, who is phenomenal. But when we arrive, I realize that we're at Susan L. Taylor's penthouse! Well I didn't realize that, I just knew that the gorgeous building in front of me wasn't Barnes & Nobel's like I expected.

Upon walking in, we were greeted by many friendly faces, which--after several introductions by Terrie as a "young, talented and gifted writer"--I came to know as prolific writers. Everyone there was someone impressive, someone that could change my future with a push of a button.

StacyAnn Chin

People like StacyAnn Chin who connected with me on poetry. Who also shared her newest book with me and signed it. Who also gave me her email address. Man, I felt so...perfect. Perfect time, place, view, book, interaction. It was all right.

Michaela Angela Davis

Then Michaela Angela Davis waltzes in with a glide that only she can master. I interviewed her at last year's Black Girls Rock. I had no delusions of grandeur thinking she would remember me. So when Terrie went to introduce us, I politely shook her hand and smiled and said my name. She stops and says, "We've met before." I mean looking dead into my eyes, matching my glare. I told her we had and when and where and she goes, "So good to see you again sister." Wow. No words. None.

Then, I met the woman herself. A woman that I have followed since I learned to stalk--professionally, of course. We've also met once before, at Black Girls Rock. Her husband remembered, but she didn't react like she did. But she was still warm with me. Calm. Stunning. Serene. Her energy is insane. She just makes you feel comfortable, instead of like a babbling fool. We spoke briefly about my passion for writing and her incredible, inspiring career.

And just as quickly as the night started, it was over. I took in my surroundings once more--the view, wow. Even the air up there felt different. Penthouse air. I could get used to that. I said goodbye to everyone I met and I was out the door behind my mentor.

After she and I said our goodbyes, I walked to the train in tears. I had to stop, catch my breath and hold myself together, physically. I could feel myself going in about 50 different ways with excitement. I am currently living my dream and I cannot believe how delicious it feels.

He Just IS That Into You.

The other day I was speaking to a new friend about relationships. Isn't it always about relationships? Well, she's in one and of course, yours truly...isn't. This is honestly one of the first times where I am actually not bitter, angry or sarcastic with that fact.

But homegirl was telling me about her boyfriend wisking her away to Vegas for a romantic weekend Valentine getaway extravaganza. When she told me, I thought my heart would fill to the brim with jealousy and it would show in my eyes, but I didn't feel one ounce of jealousy. I felt...nothing.

My reaction mirrored hers. She also felt nothing when telling me about something that would make most women gush with enthusiasm. She obviously didn't want to be included in her boyfriend's romantic plans. I picked up on it immediately. In asking her why the lack of excitement, she began telling me about how she feels about her man.

He's comfortable. He's someone that takes up her free time. He's cool. He's attractive. He's employed. He's a listener. She's even said, he's perfect. And on top of everything else, he is into her. So what's with the gloomy gus?

Women are bored with Mr. Perfect, but are always in hot pursuit of him. It's one of the biggest paradoxes that we live day by day. We all claim to want a man that has all these wonderful qualities, then when we find him, he run, sabotage the relationship or hurt him. Then we go back into being jaded creatures teetering on being man-haters.

Carrie (SATC) describes that certain something in relationships-that spark-as the "za za zoo." Often times with someone like Mr. Perfect, the za za zoo is missing. Which causes a woman--no matter her comfort with Mr. P--to flee or at least desire the flight. Most women are built with an inner sado-masichism and love finding that not-so-right-for-you dude that gives you the za za zoo everytime he doesn't call or care about your feelings.

Just because a man is perfect, doesn't mean he is perfect for you. But on the opposite end of that spectrum, just because an asshole gives you butterflies also doesn't make him right for you.

So it leads me to this question or series of questions. Is love an instant spark with Mr. Asshole or a journey that you take with Mr. Perfect? Can you grow to love Mr. Perfect and still be happy sans za za zoo? How much of your standards should you compromise for love? What does it take to lose or completey immerse yourself in love? How many times can you use the grass is always greener on the other side excuse?

Love is complicated and most times doesn't make much sense. And nice guys (Mr. Perfects) finish last. So, will it ever be easy to fall in love with that nice guy, even if he doesn't provide us with the za za zoo? Will Mr. Asshole always have the best of luck when it comes to us?

Lil Fun Survey-Thanks Mintzilla.

1.YOUR REAL NAME:
Danielle Lacole Young

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names)
Faye Edward

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
Clarence Robert

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Youda ahahaha, kinda like Yoda. That's funny.

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
Gold Leopard. Sounds more like a porn name.

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
Lacole Winston Salem.

7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Purple Pineapple Juice

8.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Dang hehehe!

9.STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie)
Cookies and Cream Chocolate Chip

10.ROCK STAR NAME:(current pets name, current street name)
N/A 148th Street

11. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on)
Lady Church hahaha the irony.

12.YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)
Danizzle

13.YOUR IRAQI.. NAME:(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, first two letters of your middle name, last two letters of your first name then last three letters of your last name)
Aulaleung (i kinda love it)

14.YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Champ

15. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy)
Chance Snickers hahaha loves it!

"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin..."

Twilight. I know I may be behind the masses that have listened to Oprah and declared it a masterpiece, but I usually don't follow masses. However, a coworker had just finished and asked if I was reading anything. I was finishing up an Assata Shakur autobiography and decided that I could use a new read. Boy, am I glad I said yes. This book is amazing!

I want so badly to put in an excerpt from one of my favorite parts, but I couldn't decide. Nothing will give you the full scope of how poetic the language of this book is. But, here's an attempt.

I inched closer, stretched out my whole hand now to trace the contours of his forearm with my fingertips. I saw that my fingers trembled, and knew it wouldn't escape his notice.

"Do you mind?" I asked, for the had closed his eyes again.

"No," he said without opening his eyes. "You can't imagine how that feels." He sighed.

I lightly trailed my hand over the perfect muscles of his arm, followed that faint pattern of bluish veins inside the crease at his elbow. With my other hand, I reached to turn his hand over. Realizing what I wished, he flipped his palm up in one of those blindingly fast, disconcerting movements of his. It startled me; my fingers froze on this arm for a brief second.

"Sorry," he mumbled. I looked up in time to see his golden eyes close again. "It's too easy to be myself around you."

If you haven't read it, maybe you should. It took me back to a time when I would have a crush on a boy and nothing else in the world mattered. When my heart was so open and ready to love...hard. I miss those young love feelings. When you felt like your heart would beat out of your chest whenever someone even said his name. Or when you felt like you couldn't get through the night without falling asleep on the phone with him. Or when you couldn't seem to focus on anything but his smile. Those were the days.

I wonder if it's still possible to love with that same young heart once you've been beaten and battered by life, failed relationships and everything else that hardens our hearts once we leave the teenage years. I've never gotten to experience young love. I wish I could have because young love allows for the intense, crazy feelings that it brings. You can be 16 and cry to your man about things that you don't like or your jealous feelings. Once you get older, men would think you're crazy and they'd run for the hills.

Young love is a practice makes perfect situation and sadly, I've never been able to practice, which leaves my love life in shambles. I'm inching closer to 30 and I haven't had a chance to fall in love and mess up so that I can learn from my mistakes. I have a feeling 30 year old men are a whole lot less forgiving and tolerant than adolescent boys.

I feel like once you're in love at an older age, it's far from fantasy like young love, it's practical, comfortable and just not carefree. But, the whole point of this here blog....if you want to go back to a time when love was so pure and unfiltered, read Twilight.

I've started book two, New Moon, today. I hope it's as good as the first!